DIGITAL COLLAGE
DRAINED
Size: 91.44cm x 60.96cm Medium: Digital Manipulation Completion: September 2018 Drained is a representation of the two voices in my head. Although both emotions make up who I am I perceive the sadness is the more dominant voice in my head. The sadness acknowledges the little happiness in me and tries to secure it. Pablo Picasso's Blue Period was a major inspiration to Drained using his theme of deep depression. Along with Picasso's 1902 Mother and Child, and Duccio's 1300 Madonna and Child using their facial expressions and subject placement.
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DRAINED
A panicked piercing scream bouncing off the walls of solitary. These cries don't leave my head and no matter how loud they get, only I can hear them. They won’t shut up, I try violently shaking my head begging for the pain to stop. This pain is indescribable, unimaginable, and no matter how much I cry this voice won’t leave. She tells me, "You're unwanted, no matter how close you get to a person they will never truly accept you." She reminds me I can’t reach my goals because I’m too weak and I’ll never be as successful as others. The lies she tells me skew my vision and make me believe they are reality.
Eventually I noticed nobody was knocking on my door asking how my day was. I begin to think, maybe she’s right. STOP! You are beautiful, you are loved, and you have confidence giving so much to the world. Another voice rises from the evil lies. This one was much more calming and tender. Somehow she cut off the negative energy inside me. As quickly as a smile came it quickly disappears. The loud cruel voice takes over the soft voice. My head pounds and my heart races, I can’t take this arguing. How is it possible that my brain can argue with itself? I don’t know which voice to listen to and I can’t find an agreement. One voice seems to always find something wrong while the other seeks out the happiness. My happiness is the only part I show the world. I became so good at hiding the bad part of me it turned into a daily routine. Every day I walk around with proud shoulders, a head held high, and eyes of inspiration. My voice doesn't shake when I speak until I come home and close my bedroom door. I take off my bags and sit in front of the mirror and stare. It’s almost instantly tears pour down my face and the whispers of lies fill my head. The fight continues as I try and tell myself you can do it, don’t be sad. No matter how many uplifting things I say the negative still has more power. Every disgusting statement grows and grows, I can’t shut it down and I get filled with the thought that I am worthless. Moments like this I hear the tiniest voice trying to shout. She brings me flowers and tells me to get some rest. She’s the one who understands what I go through and never gives up on me. She’s the only one that sees the ugly so she helps make sure nobody else sees the pain I hide. If only she could take over my whole mind.
The worst part is I can’t control when these voices appear or what they say. It’s not fair that I’m out of control in my own life. If my mind is apart of me, why do I feel like an inmate who is forced to do everything their correctional officer says. We’re supposed to work together to become stronger like a brace helps support a knee. After years of dealing with my mind spinning I’d rather walk around with a broken leg than be suffering from mental pain. Every day is a challenge, it’s not easy staying strong, but one day I will heal and regain my energy. I will not have to hide any parts of me and I will take back what is mine.
Eventually I noticed nobody was knocking on my door asking how my day was. I begin to think, maybe she’s right. STOP! You are beautiful, you are loved, and you have confidence giving so much to the world. Another voice rises from the evil lies. This one was much more calming and tender. Somehow she cut off the negative energy inside me. As quickly as a smile came it quickly disappears. The loud cruel voice takes over the soft voice. My head pounds and my heart races, I can’t take this arguing. How is it possible that my brain can argue with itself? I don’t know which voice to listen to and I can’t find an agreement. One voice seems to always find something wrong while the other seeks out the happiness. My happiness is the only part I show the world. I became so good at hiding the bad part of me it turned into a daily routine. Every day I walk around with proud shoulders, a head held high, and eyes of inspiration. My voice doesn't shake when I speak until I come home and close my bedroom door. I take off my bags and sit in front of the mirror and stare. It’s almost instantly tears pour down my face and the whispers of lies fill my head. The fight continues as I try and tell myself you can do it, don’t be sad. No matter how many uplifting things I say the negative still has more power. Every disgusting statement grows and grows, I can’t shut it down and I get filled with the thought that I am worthless. Moments like this I hear the tiniest voice trying to shout. She brings me flowers and tells me to get some rest. She’s the one who understands what I go through and never gives up on me. She’s the only one that sees the ugly so she helps make sure nobody else sees the pain I hide. If only she could take over my whole mind.
The worst part is I can’t control when these voices appear or what they say. It’s not fair that I’m out of control in my own life. If my mind is apart of me, why do I feel like an inmate who is forced to do everything their correctional officer says. We’re supposed to work together to become stronger like a brace helps support a knee. After years of dealing with my mind spinning I’d rather walk around with a broken leg than be suffering from mental pain. Every day is a challenge, it’s not easy staying strong, but one day I will heal and regain my energy. I will not have to hide any parts of me and I will take back what is mine.
PLANNING
Instantly when the audience looks at my final product I want them to be able to feel deep sadness but as they look closer see the small happiness in me. In Photoshop I was thinking of having my tears be yellow to represent my happiness leaving me. For the whites of my eyes be dark blue to show the sadness trapped in me, keeping it hidden from everyone.
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By seeing my whole body the audience is able to experience all of my body language, how I gently hold my happiness and how my facial expressions look down in loss. Originally I wanted myself to hold dead flowers to show how I lost my happiness. As I did more research on Picasso Blue Period, I wanted to create my own twist of his 1902 Mother and Child
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I will use a horizontal layout to make my art piece seem more lonely rather than vertical making my body feel crowded. This will lead to my dimensions being a 91.44cm x 60.96cm
INSPIRATION
According to pablopicasso.org, During 1900 - 1904 Pablo Picasso had made it a theme to create very sad and lonely paintings using subjects like beggars, drunks, and prostitutes. In 1901 he visited the women's prison of Soint-Lozore. This was a very common place for artists to come and get inspired. Picasso came across an inmate that made him feel uncomfortable. This lady was not alone, she had her baby in the prison with her. Picasso painted this scene with the mother having sense of hope. When the audience looks at my art piece I want them to feel uncomfortable like how Picasso did in the prison. In this paining I noticed the mother softly smiling holding her child closely. I got the impression that she felt secure with the child and how it made her have hope. The emotions I received from Picasso's painting are the same ones I used in mine. I gently hold myself protecting the child of happiness because she makes me feel safe.
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I really liked the idea of "Christ Child gently pushes away the veil of his mother, whose sorrowful expression reflects her foreknowledge of his crucifixion." The Metropolitan Museum of Art writes. This shows how the child is oblivious, having no idea what there is to come in his future. Same as in my piece, my sadness, feels stuck as if my life will never get better. The happiness keeps trying to remind the sadness of the good things in life, soon things will get better. The facial expression of the mother in Duccio's painting is very mute to me. I wanted to make my sadness image look like that because it will make the audience see how the energy is taken out of me and how I have giving up. With the touch of my happiness keeps me going as I look to her for guidance and safety.
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As inspiration from Picasso's, Mother and Child I will use the mother to represent my sadness. Since the mother in Picasso's painting is larger this will help me express how dominant my sadness is in my life. Instead of using a picture for my background, I will use the painting tools in Photoshop to make my piece look like a painting. The background will be dark blue so it looks like it could fit into the rest of Picasso's paintings during his Blue Period.
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Using the mother's foreknowledge in my piece is very important to my reasoning of creation. I will have myself in brighter clothes to represent the happy side of me. Just how Picasso sometimes would have a warm element involved. This part of me is inspired by the child from Duccio's, Madonna and Child. She's the happiness that hold's the foreknowledge of things getting better in my life. Gently touching my face as a sense of love and caring.
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PROCESS
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EXPERIMENTATION
I tried multiple ways of blending creating shadows along my face and hand. First I outlined my hand using the paint brush trying to make shadows look more natural. The paint brush made the edges around my hand look too rough. I went to the burn tool to blend but it had too much of a contrast. Finally I found the smudge tool that helped create a light blending.
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Once I made my background blue I noticed my crops weren't perfect. My edges had a thin white outline making my picture look unfinished. I tested the paint tool but the lines were too dark of a hue, even when I brought the hardness down. I knew I couldn't leave my piece with bad craftsmanship instead I found the burn tool and used that to make those white harsh lines go away.
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Here is when I used different shades of blue and styles of paint brushes. I used over 7 different types of brushes as I kept layering them on top of each other until I found one that I liked for my background. I tested cool colors like greens along with blacks and grays but only liked the blues and blue-violets.
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REFLECTION
After finishing my final product I am satisfied with how almost everything turned out. My execution on small details is very well. For example how I managed to make very clean edges when I cropped and pasted. I used the burn tool very effectively by cleaning up any white edges and creating natural shadows from my body. Although I think I focused too much on the small details I never took a step back to look at the whole picture. After I already finished I didn't really notice that as I hold my smaller self it looks more like a puppet on my hand. This could've been an easy fix by cropping more of my yellow shirt to make it look like I was behind the mother's arm. If you look close enough you can see that my hand on my face is not blended well. I had a hard time trying to blend my skin tones and create new shadows. I mainly used the paint brush tool for this when I should've used the smudge tool more and tried the burn tool. Next time I will make sure all my major details are done with as much precision as my minor details.
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SIMILARITIES
DIFFERENCES
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ACT RESPONSES
Clearly explain how you are able to identify the cause effect relationship between your inspiration and its effect on your artwork?
Both inspiration paintings effected the placement of my body, how I sat, how I looked, etc. Madonna and Child represented contrast with their clothes which lead me to do the same to define my happiness from my sadness.
What is the overall approach the author has regarding the topic of your inspiration?
While reading pablopicasso.org it was stated that the mother had "a sense of overall despair. However, Picasso has allowed a sense of hope to permeate the work," Since this painting is apart of Picasso's Blue Period it represents a very long depressing time that eventually passes.
What kind of generalizations and conclusions have you discovered about people, ideas, culture,etc. while you researched your inspiration?
The use of value and color can dramatically change a person's first impression on a painting. When I first saw Duccio's, Madonna and Child I seen the mother being depressed and the child in confusion unlike Picasso's, Mother and Child where the mood felt very sad but the lightness on the mother's face seemed calming and happy.
What is the central idea or theme around your inspirational research?
Remembering Picasso's, The Old Guitarist and how dreadful and sad it made me feel, I knew I wanted to find inspiration in his Blue Period. Sadness was the main theme of my piece incorporated with some hopefulness.
What kind of inferences did you make while reading your research?
Everyone influences each other just like Duccio inspired Picassio's Mother and Child. We learn from each other and want to have our say in things. That's why paintings get recreated or artists may all have a painting that look very similar but have a very different meaning.
Both inspiration paintings effected the placement of my body, how I sat, how I looked, etc. Madonna and Child represented contrast with their clothes which lead me to do the same to define my happiness from my sadness.
What is the overall approach the author has regarding the topic of your inspiration?
While reading pablopicasso.org it was stated that the mother had "a sense of overall despair. However, Picasso has allowed a sense of hope to permeate the work," Since this painting is apart of Picasso's Blue Period it represents a very long depressing time that eventually passes.
What kind of generalizations and conclusions have you discovered about people, ideas, culture,etc. while you researched your inspiration?
The use of value and color can dramatically change a person's first impression on a painting. When I first saw Duccio's, Madonna and Child I seen the mother being depressed and the child in confusion unlike Picasso's, Mother and Child where the mood felt very sad but the lightness on the mother's face seemed calming and happy.
What is the central idea or theme around your inspirational research?
Remembering Picasso's, The Old Guitarist and how dreadful and sad it made me feel, I knew I wanted to find inspiration in his Blue Period. Sadness was the main theme of my piece incorporated with some hopefulness.
What kind of inferences did you make while reading your research?
Everyone influences each other just like Duccio inspired Picassio's Mother and Child. We learn from each other and want to have our say in things. That's why paintings get recreated or artists may all have a painting that look very similar but have a very different meaning.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
“Mother and Child, 1902 by Pablo Picasso.” The Weeping Woman, 1937 by Pablo Picasso, www.pablopicasso.org/mother-and-child-1902.jsp.
The Met's Heilbrunn Timeline of Art History, www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/438754.
“Pablo Picasso's Blue Period - 1901 to 1904.” The Weeping Woman, 1937 by Pablo Picasso, www.pablopicasso.org/blue-period.jsp.
The Met's Heilbrunn Timeline of Art History, www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/438754.
“Pablo Picasso's Blue Period - 1901 to 1904.” The Weeping Woman, 1937 by Pablo Picasso, www.pablopicasso.org/blue-period.jsp.